I say the same thing all the time. I tell everyone if you don’t know, then you just don’t know.
And to act like you know or to insinuate that you do can be seen as an insult or counterproductive.
There is something to be said about the act and the process and the actual motions of going through something.
And I get it. Everything is subjective.
Everything is left open to interpretation and of course, fiction can become facts and facts can become fiction.
True things can be disagreed and be false and lies can become truths, at least from a personal standpoint.
We are fools at times. We are all subject to the deception of our own perception and in the case of us against life or me against me and I against I, there is a real world going on around me. There are so many things that I have not seen or experienced enough to understand and again, there are times when the fact remains.
If you don’t know, then you just don’t know.
And that’s okay . . .
And again, with all things being subjective, I understand that no two people see things the exact same way.
And so nothing is ever seen to be perfectly alike, which is fine.
I cannot confirm that I see the colors red and blue the same as you. I cannot confirm that my sensation of touch matches yours or anyone else’s for that matter.
In all fairness; all we have is our ability to communicate. All we have is this moment to see if we can understand one another, and even still, I have learned that two people can love each other and be so connected and yet, they can have the same conversation and both walk away with two different perspectives.
I am not so different or similar.
I am no different from you or from any other contradiction of terms.
I think we are all a little crazy.
I am simple and yet, of course, I am perhaps too complex.
I overthink and I overcomplicate and assume and create an anticipation that is neither accurate or honest.
The mind is an amazing thing when it comes to thinking ourselves into being crazy.
I have been told the following:
Stop thinking too much.
Really?
Just stop thinking.
Is this the answer?
Maybe it is.
Maybe I would be happier and perhaps my time would be better served if my thoughts were able to disconnect from the problems or the problematic thinking.
I would be stringer and happier if I were to detach from the ideas that keeps me sick, or keeps me guessing or afraid that the sky might fall and I might die with shame of living or existing with an unjustified heart.
I am not so strange and nor am I so distant from you or your truths or hopefulness.
No, I suppose my vision is not the same as others and my experiences can perhaps shade the colors of my ideas.
I get it. yes. I do.
I understand that my history and my previous results can play a factor when it comes to the cognitive distortions and thinking errors that lead me astray.
I do . . .
I do think too much.
I have fears.
I have marks and scars and cracks and broken features that distort my opinions. I have habitual assumptions and insecure ideas that lead me to worry about things that trigger my past and lead me back to old ways of thinking.
Yes.
I know.
I do this.
I sabotage because my fears lead me to a conclusion that leads me to an anxious concern.
And, so . . . |
in fear of this conclusion, I find myself at the risk of what I call contributory negligence.
And what I mean is I am so focused on the failure of a desired outcome that I subconsciously cause myself to trip and fall before I even trip and fall.
I do not have to be like the character Romeo from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet after he slays Tybalt.
Romeo slays Tybalt and screams, “I am fortune’s fool!”
I have been fortune’s fool before.
I do not have to trip and fall.
I do not have to hang myself from the banister of my downfalls and nor do I need to execute myself nor persecute myself on a continuous or daily basis.
If you don’t know . . .
Then you don’t know.
And telling someone to “just get over it,” or to not think or feel or react as they do is often unrealistic and sometimes, this can be cruel.
There is a shirt I wear sometimes, which reads, “No one cares,” with the words “work harder’ below.
I understand this.
And I cannot say if it is true that no one cares or understands.
I cannot say if this will reach you with the same intention I write this.
However . . .
All I say is sometimes, we have to realize that no one is coming.
No one can help and yes, now more than ever; I understand the fact is you have to save your own life, each and every day, and from now until the hour of our death, amen.
I would love to be understood.
I would love to know that I am not crazy or alone.
I would love to know that pain subsides and relief is real and upcoming.
However, I also understand that aches and pains are aches and pains and simply telling someone to “get over it,” is not the working realistic option when the is so thick or the heart is broken.
Come with me.
I don’t know where to go from here or if whatever we try is going to work
But I would rather side with you than be alone and live with the thought that my soul will die unjustified
you know?
