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The After Christmas Thought:

After the guests leave and all is packed away; leftovers are sealed up in Tupperware, the fridge is full with the remnants of Christmas day food, bellies are full, and the home is lit by the soft dull glow collected from the little warm white lights, which string around and weave throughout the branches and shimmering between the tinsel and ornaments of the Christmas tree; the house is gratefully empty, dogs are cozied in their places with eyes half-closed and tired after an eventful day of attention and affection from house guests, family, and grandma; the television radiates a dull beam that flickers across the television screen, and usually flickering from a classic Christmas movie from our generation, or  perhaps a generation before ours, yet the classic never gets old and still fits well in our hearts.

The couch way is the right way in times like this. At last, there is Continue reading →

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A Note to The Old Man

We are almost at the day of your anniversary. It’s strange to think of how many years fit between now and then. I was just a boy then. I was a boy on the verge of manhood. I was a boy on the verge of a new way of life and a boy on the verge of understanding the difference between life and mortality.
When I boarded the bus from Monticello to home, I was months away from previous self. I had not change that much that I had forgotten who I was or what had happened to me. I was not gone long enough to undergo a complete transformation. I was better, but yet, I was still sick. I was only gone long enough to have the fog lift in my mind. I was gone long enough that my name fell Continue reading →

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A Note to Parents

If anyone ever asked my mother, she might have told you the hardest day in her career of being a mother was the day she drove me up to a drug and alcohol treatment facility. I was far away from home and fortunately, I was even further away from my friends and the other influences that kept me sick. If anyone asked my mother if she felt this was the right thing to do; she would have explained about the guilt she felt. She might have explained about the feelings of failure, asking herself, “Where did I go wrong?”

I did not grow up in a broken, nor abusive home. I was not neglected, nor were my parents active alcoholics or involved with drugs in any way. I grew up in a normal, average home with the same Continue reading →

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A Note from The “Once Fat” Kid

After scrolling through a series of photographs, I came across one with me in it. Having realized that I almost failed to recognize myself, nearly asking, “Who is that fat guy?” I became painfully aware of what had happened to me.

To put this kindly; I was overweight. My knees hurt and my ankles were bad as well. My face was rounded and bloated. My stomach was round too and the tattoo of an Asian princess on my lower rib and across my stomach had gained enough weight that she no longer resembled an Continue reading →

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Something from The Daddy Diaries:

One day you will be older. Today will be gone and so will tomorrow.
Someday, my answers to your questions will make more sense than they do now. And someday, whenever that day may be, you will look back at this; you’ll look back and be able to see through the misunderstandings; you’ll see through the misinterpretations, and the miscommunication. Someday, you’ll look back and you’ll see through the times when I was Continue reading →

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Experience, Strength, and Hope

I heard these words before.
“A fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other, that they may solve their common problem and help others recover from . . .”
I heard these words before, but words like these were too far for me to grasp.
Walking through a series of double doors and into a small room, lined with chairs that were filled with others like me, I had no idea what to expect. This was not my first time in a room like this. I suppose it was just the first time I was able to pay attention. My mind had cleared enough that I could listen to what was being said. It was the first time I listened to Continue reading →

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Letters From A Son

I was remembering the days when I used to sit down in a little coffee shop on 7th Avenue by 40th Street. I always took a seat that faced the window so I could watch the people walk passed. I would sit and write to you and tell you about life in New York City. My eyes were much younger then and everything seemed so new. My world was very different then and the times were different too. The price of a cup of coffee was certainly a lot less than it is now. This was back before cellular phones overtook society. This was when people sat across from each other and spoke in detail about life and whatever else. Instead of looking at their phones or whatever technical Continue reading →

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Love Honestly

When I was young, around 19 or so, I met this girl and we decided to try and play house. This seemed like a good idea at the time. In truth, I had never had a relationship before this girl. I never really had a high school sweetheart or went through the normal teenage patterns of love or at least the kind of love that teaches how to love someone else. I never felt that sense of white-picket lust or the romanticized idea of sexual desire that is often confused for love—the kind that comes with the general novelty of man and woman, together, and happy.
At best, my attempts at love were Continue reading →

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To Deal With Demons . . .

It was wintertime in the year 1989. I found myself underneath a bridge that stretched over the Meadowbrook Parkway. My skin was a greener shade of pale and I was painfully thin.
I had no idea of what time it was or how long I had been sitting beneath the bridge. The gray sky was losing sunlight, and soon enough the blustery cold day would become a blustery cold night.
I was sitting on south side of the Parkway, situated up at the top of a concrete hill beneath the green, structural beams that made up the underside of the bridge. I was far enough away from the speeding cards that drove along and far enough away from prying eyes. More importantly, I was Continue reading →