The jokes I used to laughed at and the stories that were once funny have lost their humor to me. Now that I am a “Dad” I am most afraid of my past returning like a cruel joke. I am afraid of Karma and the inevitable things like my little girl’s first boyfriend, or her first crush.
I already told my daughter all she needs to know about boys. Yes, she is still very young, but I feel this lesson is extremely valuable. I have given her the one lesson, which I know will translate throughout her life. And I repeat this lesson often, or Continue reading
ten thoughts for sessions from the balcony
These are ten thoughts
1)
My yesterday left the minute you walked out of the room
. . . and I never thought about you once
except for when I found the strands of hair that you left on my pillow.
But hey,
we all have to start from someplace.
After all, if it weren’t for losing you
. . . I don’t know if I would have ever found myself.
2)
Whoever said, “One minute is Continue reading
Note to Mom
Mother’s Day May 10, 2015
I see you now, but mostly in photographs. I keep the ones that look best. These are the pictures of better times and they were taken in better places. They are the pictures that remind me of when you were young.
The other day, I told the story about the Continue reading
The Blue Line
To be honest, I never saw cops as men or women. I saw them as men or women in a uniform. I saw them as a badge and a badge number. The cops stood on one side of the law and I stood on the other. It was me against them. I never considered they were once someone’s child. I never considered the fact that policemen (or police women) have families, or children of their own. I never saw cops as human. I saw them as enemies because in truth, I was an enemy.
In my small town hustles and while trying with the best of my ability to scheme or connive, I saw the police as obstacles. They stood between me and my goal. Whether my Continue reading
A Note From a Son
I woke when the sky had just begun to lighten, but the streetlamps were still on because it was too early for night to end its time on the clock. I looked outside my living room window, which faces south. I watched the red lights that flash on top of a distant water tower, which stands tall above the rooftops of houses in the neighboring town of Continue reading
The Push Pull
1)
Whether I’m lost or not is irrelevant.
I’m here, aren’t I?
I’m at where I’m at and like it or not,
the surroundings are perfect
it just depends on how I look at them.
Like I said,
whether I know which way to go or not
doesn’t matter
I’m Continue reading
About Being Unreachable
There was a bond I felt to the people I was “Away” with. Though it was brief, our interaction is something I will never forget. In fact, I use their memory to inspire my path. This way, I will never forget where I came from and I will never be who I was again.
After completing 28 days of treatment in an adult facility, I was immediately sent to another short-term center for another 42 days until the courts remanded me to long-term treatment.
This place was smaller with fewer patients than my previous experience. The kitchen was smaller and the bedrooms were small to medium sized. There property was on a main road, but the road ran through a quiet part of an Upstate town, so traffic was rare. There was little to see and few places to go. There was housing for bunks and the main house, which is where we spent most of our time.
I was unsure what to Continue reading
from sessions in the balcony: the list
There are times when I need to listen to something soft. I need to find the right music and pipe it to my ears to clear my head. I take a deep breath and I exhale. Like now for example. As I write to you, I am listening to a soft instrumental. I began with something from Jimi Hendrix. I listened to Valleys of Neptune, to be exact.
I view music the way a connoisseur would view a fine wine. Some moods require a certain flavor. Tonight, would be a night for a deep red. I feel the need for something Continue reading
This was the beginning
We sat with our backs against the fence in the rear corner of the field behind our elementary school. It was not long before that we went to this school. We were only a few years out, but the changes we made in that short amount of time was drastic
To create a better view, I think I should describe the area before moving further. The grass-covered field was long and very wide. It extended passed the cement Continue reading
Just to write
I was reminded of a quote from Mark Twain this morning.
“Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.”
I watched some of my brightest heroes give in to gravity
and trade their bravery for a glimpse of something easy.
In the end, I was never sure who was hurt most by their downfall —
me or them?
I do not claim to be so wholesome
that I cannot understand man’s thirst for greed
or his hunger for lust.
I am neither innocent nor pure.
I am like anyone who has blushed in their life —
or needed to . . . Continue reading
