You will know when the time comes. you will know when it is time to move on or when to get out or move away. You might not want to know. you might not want to move. Even if you do want to move, sometime, we just don’t understand how to let go.
Either way, you will know when the time comes. We can lie to us all the time but either way, we still know.
Everything will be right there to see. All the facts and all the reasons why will be right there.
For whatever the reason, we hold on though. And we hold on tightly, as if our grip is a representation of our fear and discomfort of losing something or letting go.
In fact, I once saw a video of how an African tribesman trapped a baboon by poking a hole in the side of a large anthill. The tribesman placed seeds in the hole. When the baboon explores the hole, it reaches in to grab the seeds; only, now the baboon cannot pull its hand our because the hand will not fit back through the hole. Put simply, the baboon did not understand the benefits of letting go. The animal would have never been trapped if he had the understanding of when to let go.
Are we so different?
There is a time that comes, which we knew would come, but for whatever the reason is we tried to avoid this or make things better.
There is a time when all one can say is goodbye. Deep down, we knew this was inevitable.
Deep down, we knew this would be so,
There is a time when all one can do is close the chapter to their past so they can move on and begin their future.
Once we get over the blame and the need to find fault as to why a relationship does not work, we can decide to skip over the details as to who gave more effort, who pulled away, who was misinformed, who tried, and who didn’t. Now we can come to the only decision we need to make. This is when we know that it’s time to move on. This is when we are at our bravest, which means this is when we will act instead of dream.
There is no harm in trying. I say there is no shame in trying and not reaching your ideas. There is also a time when we partner with people, only to realize the chemistry is not what we thought it would be.
This is the same with business and love. Chemistry is important; however, as it is with chemicals, it is the same with people too. Some can co-exist. Some complement each other. Some tolerate one another for only a short period of time. And some become downright volatile and explosive.
This is not good or bad. This is not fault or blame. This is two separate things that cannot and do not fit. Nevertheless, separation can be upsetting.
The question I ask is what are we really upset about? Why do we need to find accountability for something that does not match?
There was an explanation I was told that I always remember. If I took the key to my front door and tried to use this with like, say, any other front door in the world, would the key work?
The answer is obviously not. This is not the key’s fault. This is not the lock or the cylinder in the lock’s fault. No, this is simply not a fit.
Sometimes we have to accept that certain people or business situations were not meant for us and cannot fit in our life. This is the same truth whether we are in a corporate setting, romantic, or a basic acquaintances.
It’s okay to try and have something not work or reach our hopes. This is fine. However, it is not fine to allow this to stop us from moving forward and trying again.
The idea is to learn from our experiences. See where or if we made mistakes. Be honest about them. Own them. But above all, do not have them define us but more, we have to allow our past to teach us how to make better investments and decisions in our future.
I have been trying several different ideas for the last three years. Some of them have worked out very well. Some appeared to have a great start only to fizzle and die.
Some of them were in fact, ego-building. I was proud of the ventures. Damned proud, in fact, which is why it was disheartening to have some of my attempts miss their mark.
Nevertheless, my dream is still very real to me. My hope is still alive. Better yet, I am still alive; therefore I am still able to work, love, create, and try again.
I do not have to be afraid of dissolution. Sometimes, the best and most freeing word we can ever say is goodbye.
Sometimes, the word goodbye is the only thing that separates us from moving forward and reaching our dreams. And sometimes, we come to realize that although we have similar dreams as others, our passion and drive to reach this dream is different. Our visions change. Our purpose changes as well. This is not right, wrong, good or bad. This is just life.
I remember a day where I had to pack all of my things. I was living in a big home and moving to a small apartment. I went from a more luxurious surrounding to something more compact. I saw this as a setback. I saw this as a failure. I saw this as my fault.
I needed to find accountability. I needed to understand why I did not work or something did not work for me.
The fact remains, I was living a life based on an unfit blueprint that I was trying to force myself into.
No relationship can survive well if it is coerced or contrived. There is a line from a movie which I always recall.
The main character said to his girlfriend, “If we’re not gonna make it, it’s got to be you that gets out. I’m not capable. I’m fuckin Irish. I’ll deal with something being wrong for the rest of my life.”
I can relate to this. I relate, not because of my partly Irish blood, but more so because of my fear to be without, or to be alone, or to fail.
I have made the wring assumptions about failure. In past, I equated life’s basic mismatches with the idea of faults and blame.
I can relate to the quote because in fairness and in full disclosure, at one point, I stayed in places where I knew I did not belong. I stayed because I never understood when to let go.
However, had this not changed by the act of someone else or an outside force, I would have stayed as I was, miserable, and discontent. To me, at one point, the idea of having something, even if what I had was wrong was better than having nothing at all.
My best day and best feeling was equally one of my toughest. This was the day I decided to cut my losses. This is the day I decided to step away from people that I did not belong with. I stood up, said goodbye, and then I walked away. Never to return.
No one can ever safely move forward in life while always looking back in the rearview mirror. Not saying that change or separation won’t sting; just saying that sometimes, the best and only things to do is move on and choose life.
No one can keep me from my dreams but me. Sometimes, all I have to do is learn how to let go.
By the way, I had to add the video. I remember this from when I was a boy. I And I have to admit I was surprised to find this. But here it is . . .