I know what it means to sit across from someone that “Knows it all,” and needs to show that they “Know it all.” And I know that I know this is about them. Not me. However, the way I see it is this is part of the problem.
Whether this is religion, economics, politics, or even if it is as simple as my doctor is better than yours; everyone has this strange need to be validated as being right. But to what avail?
Is this helpful? Or, how does this look to the browbeaten and tired? How does this interact with someone looking to change or better themselves?
Is this going to help someone come out from behind a problem and say, “Hey, can you please help me?”
I don’t think so . . .
I see the need for a better rapport, which might not be simple. And I get it, but still, I think there needs to be a better line of communication.
I think we need to do away with the different social echelons of cool or rich and step away from the hierarchical roles that we seem to think come with merit, when in fact, the truth of the matter is I am just me and you are just you.
I think we need to bridge the gap with each other. I think we need to bridge the gap between us and our children because of course, we think we know better than they do. Of course we know better.
I remember as a kid I was told, “You’re just a kid,” in a way that would cancel out whatever knowledge I might have known, and, also, this devalued my thoughts or feelings, because after all, “I’m just a kid,” right?
I remember being told, “What do you know? You’re just a kid!”
To which I responded, “What do you know? You’re old.”
I argued, “It’s been a long time since you were a kid!” and then I’d say something like, “We’ve come a long way since Little House on The Prairie!”
And I was angry about this; I vehemently argued my point and denied the authority. Whether this was an argument with a teacher, a parent, or someone with a position in administration—all I saw was a bridge that could never be connected. They were them and I was me. And never the twain shall meet.
There was always a right and there was always a wrong. But let’s face it. No one wants to be wrong. Everyone has the need to be heard and be right.
Even if some were to say they are accustomed to being told they are wrong and they were used to being submissive; deep down, submerged beyond the tapes we keep in our memory banks is a need to be heard, validated, and in some cases, vindicated.
I think there needs to be a new rapport. I think we need to learn to listen as well as speak honestly, to listen actively and empathetically. I think in some cases, people need to get off their high horse and walk for a while.
We need to rid ourselves of this “Holier than though,” mentality because the truth is, we all have something in the background.
No one among us is able to cast the first stone, as they say, and no one has a background so squeaky clean.
We are all human, we all make mistakes. Almost everyone has a secret they want to keep hidden and most people wear a mask on a daily basis because it is natural to want to protect that fragile little thing we call an ego.
I think we need to reach out to each other on a equal playing field. I understand the need for different roles. I get that. I understand there needs to be leaders in certain situations. But lead from the front. Not from the back. Lead by example. Lead by attraction and not through promotion. And if you’re going to lead, lead in your position. This does not grant you the godly knowledge of everything. This just means you have a position in life. Do your job.
I remember entering a self-help room at the beginning of one of a crucial change in my life. One person had been going to these meetings for decades. Another was only going for a short time. And there were others as well that seemed to think their time in the fellowship meant more than what it was.
I had to learn that while yes, experience is helpful; my experience only applies to me. This does not mean my experience applies to anyone or everyone else. Even if the circumstances are similar—I am me, you are you, and the two of us both have the right to be perfectly unique.
I learned it is better to build together on a common ground than anything else.
I think we need to get rid of the idea which says, “It’s my way or the highway!”
I remember about 25 years ago, there was a man that told me if I didn’t change, I was going to end up dead. He told me that I was going about my ideas all wrong, which he was right, in certain regards.
He told me that I was heading for a fall. He spoke to me in his high-fashioned suit and tie with a fancy wristwatch that costs more than a brand new car. He told me he knew because he was “There” once too.
He was successful. He was a big businessman. He was also secretly drunk while talking to me.
That person and me never stayed in touch but I know where he is and I know a little about him. I also know that come April, I will be celebrating 29 years of something he told me I could never achieve.
I think this is what I mean.
We need to stop pointing fingers. We need to quit trying to prove our point or impose our way because of what worked for us.
They ain’t us and I ain’t them.
I am me. You are you. And that’s just fine.
We don’t have to agree all the time. We don’t even have to get along. But wouldn’t it be better if we built a better rapport with one another?
Maybe this way there wouldn’t be such a stigma about those who reach out for help.
Know what I mean?