From Sessions in The Balcony: A Thought of Mine

There are times when the world turns and for the minute, everything is still. The moment could be crucial or even simple but either way, in the moment, thoughts can be heavy or even gentle. The sky is a large, overhead screen, like a portal to an inestimable version of what we call Heaven. The clouds drift. The wind blows and the sunlight filters down from the sky.

I take this to a mental memory I have of a mid-fall evening. The sun was descending and the orange hue touched down against the empty trees in a vacant filed. The grass was tall and wheat-like with dried thistles at the top. The wind would blow and then suddenly calm, which caused the tall grass to sway and then suddenly pause as well.
Perhaps this was the first time I was ever aware of natural beauty. I looked around with a heavy heart. I was struggling to think clearly. I was alone but the worst is I felt alone.
I felt alone because loneliness can be felt among others, even in crowds. For the moment, however, I was not in a crowd, but yet, I was searching to find my place in the circle. I was looking for my meaning and my sense of purpose.
I was in the company of no one else but me and my thoughts, which may have been lugubrious or tragic; yet, there was a calm sense of necessity. There were battles in my head that needed to be solved. There were reasons for me to want to run away, hide, or simply disappear.
I remember wishing I could be someone else or somewhere else; however, in the moment, there was a strange stillness to the scenery.
There was beauty. There was sadness and fear but above all, there was the stillness of events and the comfort of one simple fact.
At least there was beauty.

I have dreams of this field sometimes. I can almost feel the way I felt now, as I write to you. The nostalgia, the memory, the realization that aside from the sense of grieving or mourning a loss and in the youthful tragedies of one trying to find one’s self, alas, at least the world still turned to offer beauty in a time when beauty was needed most

Some people reject their emotions. But I don’t. Some people despise the rain or the colder months but I don’t. I see this as a reminder to stay in and be warm. I say there is beauty in the inclement days. I say that rainstorms can be beautiful. I say days like this are best to stay in, order Chinese food, and watch a movie.

Even if we don’t stay in, there is so much we can see.
For example, have you ever seen the rain falling down over an open ocean or at the beach. No one else is around.
Mother Earth weeps and the waves roll in big swells, reminding us how small we are and how insignificantly small we can be—and yet, here we are, making a big thing out of everything. Here we are as a major power in the world, driving around, moving from one place to the next, and yet in comparison to it all, we are not even a glimpse in the eyes of the sun (or the moon.)

There was a man (he was a great man, in fact.) He used to speak with me sometimes. He had a way of calming me down. He could calm me down, even at the craziest times. He was a friend, yes, but he was a mentor as well.

He taught me how to disconnect from the inaccurate importance I place upon people, places, and things. “It’s just life,” he said. “You just have to keep it simple.”

This is true. We tend to complicate simple procedures. And sometimes, we forget to look around and enjoy the fact that beauty exists even when all else seems lost.

And silence . . .
Silence can be the most beautiful thing because in the moment, nothing needs to be said. Just look around because Mother Earth has a way to say it all. Just watch.

And beauty . . .
Beauty is a woman to me. Beauty is the way she smiles or the sound of her laughter. Beauty is the way her body curves. Beauty is the touch of her hand and the warmth from her skin. Beauty is the comfort I find while at the end of the day, when there is stillness, and there she is—
waiting for me.

There is a stillness that we overlook sometimes. This is called life in the moment. These moments are meant to fill our pockets of memory; to remind us there is beauty in the world, to find solace in troubled times, or to find warmth in colder times and keep us cozy

Beautiful . . .

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