I say this is second to last
because today is the second to last day
that I spend time on this journal.
It’s time to plan ahead
and move forward.
Ready?
You have to know what you want.
You have to know what it is, what it’s worth,
and more than anything,
when you realize what you want,
you have to realize
what you’re willing to do, without relenting
and you have to be willing to go all out
in order to make things happen.
I know what I want.
I know what intentions are.
However. I also know that nothing comes easy
and no achievement comes
without some aches or pain,
ups and downs
or blood, sweat,
and tears.
There will always be a learning curve.
There will be bumps and bruises,
cuts and scrapes and scars
and breaks that seem to shatter the heart.
This is life.
This is what it’s like to fight hard and work hard,
and hopefully, if the sun shines
or the moments allow,
this can leave us the chance
and the opportunity
to play hard as well.
Nothing worthwhile is going to come easy.
Nothing will be that simple,
at least not when it comes to the weight of our dreams.
You have to know what you want.
You have to act.
You have to mean it.
At the same time, life does not go as we planned.
And if you didn’t act . . .
then something about it wasn’t right
or maybe nothing was real
or maybe it was only a dream
or maybe you never had what it takes
to take the leap
and pull it off.
I gambled and lost.
I have rolled the dice, as they say,
and I have crapped out.
I’ve lost more than I can explain.
I know what bankruptcy looks like.
I know what it feels like to open the door
and walk in to a little apartment
and be alone.
No one else is around.
Everyone else seems to have a life
or someone to talk to and meanwhile,
I know the feeling of listening to the quiet
which screams with a silence
that leaves a ring in my ears.
I am not brave.
I am not tough.
I weep.
I cry.
I have begged. And I have pleaded.
This is what happens
when you shoot for your dreams
and miss because, in all fairness,
your half-assed attempts or fearful excuses
and your self-destructive measures left you alone,
or left you just outside the borders of the promised land,
which means yeah, great job . . . you got close.
But you went half-assed
so, you never made it.
I understand this all too well.
I’ve heard people tell me that I have to dust myself off.
I’ve been told to shake off the pain,
which is not an easy thing to do—at least
not when the pain hurts enough
to keep you down
or make you crazy.
I have been told—you get what you deserve.
And yes, maybe I deserve the setbacks.
Maybe I deserved to fall on my face.
Maybe I deserve this and more.
At the same time, this does come
as a matter of opinion
and even more,
this can be someone else’s wish
or someone’s hope that my Karmic debt
will be cruel enough to cripple me
or keep me from going forward.
Whether I deserve the worst or not, fine.
I’ll take it.
I’ll take it all because once I do,
this means I describe the chance
to get back up
and go after my dreams again.
I will never have the same dream as yesterday
But that’s fine.
Today is a new day.
and today comes with a new promise.
Therefore . . .
I have no other choice
but to let the wind hit me in the face,
or blow my hair back, and whenever possible,
I will take what comes.
And whatever happens or whatever I deserve,
no one can ever tell me
that I didn’t earn my right
to get back up
and go after my dreams again.
Work hard.
Play hard.
Love with all you have
and
live well.
No suggestions are better than these.
I think it’s time to get ready for my next journal
but that’s a goodbye for tomorrow.
Right now, I’m living for today,
the second to last day
before I start something new.
The Written Addiction 