I was never one to enjoy being along. Perhaps, this was because I couldn’t stand my own company but nevertheless, I found myself alone, high as could be, often times wondering what my life would have been like if I just turned right instead of left.
I was in my bedroom and I could feel something terrible coming for me. I knew there was something on the way but like a child with his under-the-bed monster, I had no idea what dangers awaited me.
I weighed next to Continue reading
Author Archives: bennyk1972
Always Listen To Your Parents
There is thing we have and we all have it too. We call it life, and sometimes, life happens beyond our control. Life goes on without regard for what we ask for or what we wish. This is life.
Life happens on a daily basis. This is us, every day, weaving through time and negotiating the daily obstacles, overcoming, sustaining, and enduring the mild to major intrusions. that happen to us, Like it or not. This is life. Continue reading
From Letters: About a Song
Grandma Lena used to sing to me when I was little. She would sing, “I’m gonna sit right down and write myself a letter, and make believe it came from you.”
I was so young then. I was smaller than I could possibly imagine. I was young but yet old enough to remember (I guess.) I remember Grandma Lena’s voice and how it sounded. I remember the feel of her hands and how her skin was so soft, like a chenille blanket. She would ask me to write letters but I was young and young boys have other ideas and other plans. And least of off all my plans were writing letters or picking up the phone to call Grandma and say, “Hi.” Continue reading
For Those with Panic Attacks and Disorders:
Please note: The following is just my experience. I do not claim to know more than anyone nor do I claim to say these things from a professional standpoint. But breaking things down this way has helped me.
Sometimes the attacks come out of nowhere. One subtle thought leads to another and then the fear receptors override logic. This is what happens. Your fear receptors overreact and release calcium Continue reading
Life Volume 1: Life As It Grows
I am sitting now, awaiting a meeting in loft-like surroundings, Downtown near Gramercy, with high, white walls and gray, hardwood flooring. I am waiting, nervous of course, and wondering what step will come next. I have a mind full of dreams and plans in the works but I am not altogether sure what the finished product will look like.
I want to see myself in the next step of this process with me, walking proudly down Irving Plaza with a bag over my shoulder and longtime dream achieved.
I want to step forward, as if to resurrect an old goal of mine and allow myself the moment to accomplish a plan that hatched when I was still young, bright-eyed, and dreamy.
From Sessions: Love
When there is nothing left to surprise us,
and when there is nothing new to common life,
and there is nothing more than our routine,
which we keep intact for routine’s sake,
we have to hold onto the things that excite us.
We have to cling to the things that hold a place in out heart,
which drives us to feel young again,
like kids running across town from the Eastside to the West,
or like a couple sitting on the shoreline
Say like, somewhere along the Amalfi Coast
when the sun begins to set Continue reading
Mountainside Lakes Ch 10 (Final Chapter)
This will be my last day here at Mountainside Lakes. I had to stop counting my days because I found the numbers to be too distracting. I am leaving; however, this is not because I completed the program successfully. This just means that I am being discharged early because my roommate John went off into the woods to end his own life.
I am being treated differently now, better than ever before. I have been Continue reading
Mountainside Lakes Ch 9
It was late and cold. I found myself walking with someone I had never met before. He was leading me toward a small brownstone that was burnt and abandoned. The doors and windows were boarded up. The concrete steps leading up to the front door was littered with trash, old paper bags, newspapers, beer cans, and broken bottles. I had never been here before, This was Brooklyn, I think. I was in East New York, if I’m not mistaken.
The man I was with was someone from the street. His eyes were wired like electric demons but his face was somehow distorted to me. His skin was dark as night. But his eyes; his eyes were haunting me. I remember him leading me towards the side of the building and in through a side door that was broken open. Continue reading
Mountainside Lakes Ch 8
I haven’t written to you for a few days now. It’s been hard to write and hard to process the last few days of events. I was in the middle of sending a letter to my mother when the news came in about my roommate John.
I don’t understand why life happens the way it does. I can’t make sense of anything anymore. I haven’t Continue reading
Mountainside Lakes Ch 7
My roommate John has been missing for two days now. His things are still in the room. His dresser is still left the way he usually leaves things. John is somewhat obsessive/compulsive with the way he organizes his arrangement of things on his dresser. There is an old black and white picture of a woman that I always assumed was John’s mother. There is a picture of St Dismas.
Dismas was the good thief that was crucified next to Jesus and asked to be remembered. There was a laminated mass card he kept placed at the top left corner and there are the white Rosary beads which John wore around his neck and underneath his shirt.
I can feel John’s presence in the room. It is almost like he’s here, but he’s not. I can’t say this any other way. His bed is made. His things are where he left them. Everything is in its usual place, except for John. Continue reading
