There is an entire world out there—
There is a quiet street just outside my front door. The sun is coming up as I write to you. I can see the outline of the trees through the window in my loft, which appear black in the contrast of the dark grayish sky.
Currently, the moment is silent. All I can hear is the sound of keys as I type my thoughts and the ringing I hear in my ears when there’s no other sound around me.
I spent a great deal of time worrying. I was either hinged upon emotion or dependent upon people, places, and things, which I believed were parts of my identity. I was so afraid to be alone. I was afraid that my fears may be true; that I was nothing more than the sum of my concerns and that I was truly incapable.
My morning is simple. . .
I wake up, which is always a good thing. I get myself to the kitchen to push the magic blue button on my coffee machine. Then I head back upstairs to my loft. I go through my usual morning routine. I write a little. I think a little. I plan my day, finish my coffee and then clean myself, brush my teeth, get dressed, head downstairs, put on my shoes, and then I head to the bus. I park in the same spot, unless someone beats me to it.
I cross the street to wait on a line with others who stand and wait for the same bus every day, seemingly mindless, lost in thought during the early morning sunrise, and still sleepy, but hey, bills are bills and work is work.
. . .
It’s hard to get up in the morning.
it’s not that we’re sleepy so much
it’s just . . . pointless is all I can say
am I right?
I woke up to
the thought machine somewhere around the hour of 2:00am. Maybe I was dreaming.
Maybe something clicked and triggered a thought, which caused me to go back to
an old lesson that I need to be reminded of from time to time.
Before going forward in my life, I needed to understand more about the things that held me back. I needed to understand the reason why I behaved because the reason why I behave as I did were more important to the behavior itself.
I think of it like this, when we’re sick and go to the doctor, the doctor asks about our symptoms.
Do you have a sore throat? Is there any headache?
Do you have a fever?
They ask simple questions like this. But the headache or the runny nose are only symptoms. Although uncomfortable, the symptoms are not the problem. They are only evidence that the problem exists. We can alleviate them. We can soothe them. But to rid us from the symptoms, we have to treat the underlying problem.
There is no way to undo the yesterday we wish we could get away from. Words can not be retrieved once spoken and actions cannot be undone. So don’t wast too much time on this.
The reason why is nothing about yesterday is changeable or alterable, which is the reason we keep running from it.