I think this was toughest on my mother. She couldn’t understand this at all. She tried but she couldn’t understand where she went wrong or why she couldn’t help me. I suppose it hurt her most because above anything, she blamed herself. In her mind, it was her fault. It was all her fault.
It was her fault because she didn’t know how I felt. To my mother, it was all her fault because she never saw this coming. She had no Continue reading →

The thing about being a kid is when you’re young; somehow, you think you have everything figured out. You think you know better. You think you have all the angles covered and the detail of your plans is flawless. That is, of course, until you get caught.

The problem with being a kid is the feelings we have are the same as adults. The concerns change as we grow older, but deep down, we’re all just overgrown kids hoping to find our place in the sandbox. We’re all Continue reading →

There was a small blocked off section in the far right hand corner at the back of The Old Man’s shop on Archer Avenue in Jamaica, Queens. To explain, The Old Man was a licensed steam fitter—and since school and I decided to agree to disagree, I woke early with The Old Man to undergo the Monday—Friday working life of long week days with the all too often short weekends.

The shop was as anyone would expect it. There was an area up front where the cars and company trucks parked. On the Continue reading →

The wildest love is young love. This is the kind when love happens like magnets pulling together, and wherever you are, wherever you choose to go, this is the kind of love that causes us to sneak away, to find a closet somewhere, or maybe even a bathroom while trying to hush each other to keep our operation discrete. A love like this is new and so unexplored. And even the quick little secret getaways, the ones that cause us to go in places where we could possibly be caught; and living on the edge or on the verge of something so wild like Continue reading →

One of the best drives I ever took was a drive out to the east end of Long Island. The drive was taken with no reason, no one with me, no destination in mind and with no time frame to go, continue, or turn around and come back home. I had a full tank of gas, which was good because I had very little money. All I had was half a pack of Camel Light Wides—they were the thick ones, which are the same as other cigarettes; only these were thicker in girth instead of longer in length like the 100 brands. I’m not sure if they sell these anymore—but if I were to ever go back to the habit, these are the ones I would smoke.
I had somewhere around 20 bucks in my pocket and a few cassette tapes to sink in the tape deck in the dashboard of my beat-up, blue, 1984 four-door Chevy Celebrity.

For as long as I can remember, I have Continue reading →

I was asked if there was ever a day in my youth that I would live over again, exactly as it was, without changing a thing. And there a few moments that I wish I could have back, exactly as they were, without changing a thing. I save these moments in my mental rolodex and keep them in the folds of my memory, to hold them when I need to, and to relive in moments like now

I am thinking of an afternoon. It was Continue reading →

Dear Pop,

If you ask me, I say the best part of the day happens at sunrise. I say it happens before the streetlamps give way and surrender their post to the new day. It’s beautiful here in New York City. Sunlight is on the rise but nightfall has yet to loosen its grip. There is a brief pause in the skyline—same as there is a brief pause in us, just moments before we inhale and exhale. The moment is still, just like we Continue reading →

When there is no one left and when the room is more empty than you ever thought possible; when all else has failed you, and all that you held closely has unexpectedly slipped quickly through your fingers; when the sound is so quiet that all you hear is the high-pitched ring of nothingness, and when the room is so painfully still that time drags and seconds move like individual eternities; your thoughts are stuck  and your heart is broken, you’re numb and Continue reading →

Blessed Father,

Although I am drawn to it, I cannot give in. I cannot surrender and go the way of my anger.

Although I am drawn in and feel justified to respond; it is better that I leash my tongue instead spitting back or saying something to defend myself when there is no need to; for this is the way of my enemy and I will not liken myself to them. Continue reading →