My head smiles at the sight of the winds.
I can find myself here, happily empty without the need to fill
or be fulfilled and instead, or more obscurely,
to be found in the happiness of pure detachment,
as if to be away from the grind, away from the passive/aggressiveness
of our daily office politics or to be away from the hustle
and the need to be “on” as if to mean to be away
from the constant need to keep your cards close to the vest,
to watch your back all the time, or to hide vulnerability,
and to be away from the back and forth arguments-
This is the ultimate destination.

Let’s just call this what it is,
which is life in our head
or a place in the mind which, at times,
can be unrelenting or unmerciful
at best.
Let’s call this what is it . . .
Why not?

Head south, due west, and go . . .
I find myself on the verge of a ramble
which might only be something to me;
however, if this is for me then so be it –

Let this be me and, therefore, if you’d like
I can share this with you so that together,
I can show you a piece of my child at heart –

It was forever ago, it must be.
The younger days, the angst,
the energy and the deep wells of tomorrow
which flowed so deeply and freely
enough that you’d swear
there’d always be enough time for later –
or tomorrow.

We had more to fight in us back then.
We fought harder and with more reason
and more earth to our souls.

I

I hear this certain narration
or a voice from within,
somewhat speaking for me,
telling my story
but, of course, from the heart.

I have these ideas.
They have been with me for as long as time has kept me alive,
which, by today’s account,
I am alive far longer than I realize.
Perhaps I am more than I realize
or better yet,
perhaps you are more than I realize
or maybe we all are . . .
more than we realize

But what did I know
I was only me,
alive and well . . .
at 19

At some point,
you are going to see things in a different light
because at one point (or another)
you are going to be away
from the people who shaded your view.

You are going to see things, much clearer
and in a much different way
because experience is going to brighten your highway
so-to-speak
and then ah-ha!
the light of understanding
will open up its door to you.

They say the mind is just a record of the past.
But if the past is gone then we have to let this go
or do we?

I find there are times which have failed to be released
and me, I find myself diving into the unnecessary.
I find myself recounting the past or relitigating
something that is otherwise unchangeable

By the way, I think there’s a word for this.
I believe they call it . . .

So, it’s just another day.
Right?
It’s another day in the maze.
Get up. Get dressed.
Wash your face.
Dust off the sleep that you didn’t get.
Go to work. Punch in.
Pull your share and finish your shift.

There’s more to it than this.
There’s a world out there too . . .
There’s a great big industry
There’s money. There are positions.
There’s stock prices and crashing markets.
There’s a war going on too,
which is not the war you think it is.

Suffice to say that happiness comes
when we become comfortable
with our own ideas or with what we see
when we see ourselves.

Suffice to say that comfort comes
when we can see our reflection in the mirror
and be happy . . .

I 

I want to believe – You know?
Not because “I have to”
Or because “I should”
or because there’s a doctor out there
standing in the hallway
talking about hope
with a helpful diagnosis, a clipboard in hand,
white coat, stethoscope around the neck,
a pocket protector with a few pens
poking upwards from the top pocket.