In order to step away from the in-group and out-group bias, there has to be an understanding that difference does not always create enemies. The truth is there is no “Us versus Them” and there is no reason to “Other” someone. There is a word for this. Ever hear of it? It’s called “Othering.”
There are interesting phenomena that can be seen all around us. Take a sports team. Take the hometown favorite. Take the best player on the team and see them get hurt. See them fouled or mistreated in any way possible. The fans would feel empathy for the player. If the injury was severe enough to end the player’s career, the fans would mourn the player. The fans would hurt as if the player’s loss belonged to the fan’s themselves, which in reality, this isn’t so.
Stop With The Pedestal . . .
I remember the first time I ever read the line “No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence.” I like that line.
For some reason however, we view others and put them on a pedestal. This begins at birth. This begins with the people in our life and in our family. This begins with our mothers and fathers and older siblings. We are trained to believe in a pecking order. We are taught and trained to think and hold people in specific regard because of who they are and the positions they hold.
Continue readingA New Journal: Notes From The Heart
If for nothing else, today is a perfect day to reflect. Today, as in this moment now and here with you, the sun is coming up and peaking through the window of my loft. The clinking from my radiator signifies that it is cold outside but it is warm in here.
For now, all is quiet. For now, the new year is only a baby and was just born a little more than eight hours ago. There are so many things I wish I could see and so many things I’d like to say. Perhaps this is why I value our time as much as I do. This is why you mean so much to me. I am fine here. I am comfortable. And you understand me. You get it. There is no need to pretend. There is no need to act or perform. It’s perfect.
Continue readingNew Year’s Eve 12/31/20
So here it is, the last day of 2020. And here we are, hoping for something to come along and save us, like a vaccine or an answer of some kind, which can hopefully turn us all around. Maybe this is so we can get back to being human again. And tonight when the ball drops, this year will become last. I am writing this specifically to you. So, for the time being, I would like to clear away all of our sorry little distractions and scale back to the core of our natural being.
Continue readingHaving The Uncomfortable Talk
It’s time to have an uncomfortable conversation.
There is one painfully undeniable fact, which is there are no easy ways to have a difficult conversation. The truth is whether we want to talk about the struggles we face or not; the struggles are still real. There is no denying the problems we face. More importantly, there is no reason to deny them.
There is no denying the issues and there is no denying that sometimes, life moves too fast. Gravity can be too heavy. There is no reason to deny the fact that deep down, there is something that drowns us in what I can only describe as emotional quicksand. Know what I mean?
Continue readingLetters From a Son: A Note to The Old Man
Hey Pop,
It’s been awhile. It’s been 31 years to be exact. In fact it was 31 years ago today when you left us. I’m sorry it’s been a little while since my last letter. Not sure if you can see the news where you are but the world is in a little bit of a tailspin. In spite of this, I’m doing well. Or, perhaps I should say that I’m doing as well as I can be, I am still growing and still learning.
I often think about the lessons you would try to teach me when I was young. I was thinking about the different clouds. I remember you told me if we read the clouds then we can somewhat tell which kind of weather is on the way. I’m not sure what the difference is between nimbus or stratus clouds or cumulus or cirrus clouds. I don’t know much about the weather that’s on the way. I don’t know if it will rain or snow or if the sun will share its warmth but I admit it. It would be nice to know what’s coming my way.
Continue readingUnderstanding
Are you ready for some honesty?
See, I ask this because the interesting part about writing honestly is people have their own interpretations about this. Then again, the reason I write about this or the reason I write about any of my life is to expose my truth. I write about my life to be unafraid.
I do this because by exposing myself or my thinking, I have learned to uncover truth. I have learned to understand more about the roots of my thinking. I have grown to understand the roots of my emotions and the roots of my behavior.
Continue readingThe Mental And The Physical
There is no secret that the mental affects the physical. In fact, there have been numerous studies on the subject. There have been studies on our inability to forgive or hold resentments and how this leads to anxiety and depression. Subjects like anger and rage or resentment and the constant internal struggle with the internal voice which can otherwise drive us insane can also put us at risk of strokes, heart disease and heart attacks. There have been studies to prove that mental illness fuels physical disease. I suppose this is why self-care means more than just a healthy diet.
Continue readingSo I Heard You Want To Talk About Inclusion
There is a common need, which we all have. There is a basic sense that goes beyond the initial five senses, which are sight, sound, taste, smell and touch. We need a sense of purpose. We need to feel a sense of balance as well as a sense of belonging. We have a need to be included or involved; not to mention the need to be protected or the need to be right. We have a need to dream and a need to feel. We have a need to be wanted and desired as well as nurtured, valued, comforted and loved.
Continue readingChristmas Morning 12/25/20
This morning is Christmas Day. I am sitting in the loft of my home beneath the skylight and listening to the sound effects of a heavy rainfall. Of course, I have my trusty cup of coffee by my side. The quiet dimness and the warmth of soft Christmas lights around the Christmas tree and the other decorations in my house is peaceful to say the least.
Most of the snow from the previous storm has melted away. And for now, I am alone in a much needed moment of isolation and reflection. For now, I am thinking about an old family tradition that we shared together on all of our holiday gatherings.
The tradition is heartfelt and simple and although this began on Thanksgiving, the tradition to go around the table and express what we are grateful for had eventually moved beyond the traditional Thanksgiving feast and grew to a larger custom, which followed us to every big occasion or family gathering.
The Written Addiction 