Of all things I have ever wanted to be, the one thing I’ve always wanted to be is happy. I want to be happy with where I am. I want to be happy with the person I am and happy with the things I do. Of all things I’ve wanted, I have always wanted to be able to look myself in the mirror at the end of the day and be comfortable with my reflection. I want to like what I see, not regret it. In fact, I don’t want to regret a thing.
There are people who appear happy. There are (of course) the social media posts which give the appearance of happiness. There are people that seem to have their life together. They have their happy family and their happy lives in their happy, beautiful homes with a garage or perhaps even a detached garage—and to all others, the appearance would seem wealthy and fine.
Book of Firsts: My First Deployment
I had no idea what to expect. All the training and all the practice, all the role-play scenarios and all the theories were nowhere near the same as the real thing.
I was on call for the first time. I was the primary specialist, which meant if there was an opiate overdose call to 911 within a certain district, I would be deployed to one of the served hospitals as recovery support.
My job was to meet the patient at the hospital. I was to interview them and then see if they were willing to undergo treatment instead of heading back out, just to set up again and find another needle in their vein.
Monkey Brain
Two poles—
North and south of me, up and down, or high and low. I am not alone here, not m I the only one the feels or thinks this way.
We’re not crazy, you and me.
We just wonder if we are.
A Day For Dedication
Note to Self:
Going forward, I say there needs to be a dedication to move onward. I say this takes commitment and an awareness that understands the depth of our commitment is equal to the level of our success.
I say we need to understand our goals. In future, I say it is important to understand the value of our dreams and the importance of our best possible interest.
I say this because there will be no one else there to see this through (Except for us) and that rather than have a dream deferred, I plan to have our goals achieved.
This Is The Truth
I look around us and I see the path we’re on. I look around at our society. I see the people that we work with and live with and the faces we pass on a daily basis. I see the good and the bad, the tough and the easy. I see life and death and all that meet in-between. I look around at the basic and daily complications we all face.
Continue readingJust A Memory
There was a walk I took through Central Park once. I was alone. I was all by myself with nothing else to do. There was no place else to go and no one else to see. I think they call this “Me” time.
I was at the tail end of a bad job with a suit and tie type of lifestyle. Or, more accurately, I was just a kid in a suit.
I was selling woven labels and identification items to garment manufacturers at a place over on 33rd St.
This was literally one of the worst and most uninteresting jobs that I ever had. I was young and trying my best to impersonate a grown-up. I had a job though. I had the briefcase. I wore a suit and read the newspaper on the train. I drank coffee from a Styrofoam cup with the little plastic lid, flipped upwards.
I tried my best to fit in. I did my best to dress well and play the part of a young, hotshot salesman. I tried but deep down, I knew this was not for me.
Something That Happened In Group
We had a conversation in one of my empowerment classes about the things that hold us back and keep us from moving forward.
We talked about our thinking process and how they say, “Alcoholism and addiction is a disease of our thinking.”
Keep in mind, the main focus in this group is to create goals, plans, and strategies to create a clean and sober lifestyle.
We discussed the word “Relapse” and what brings people back to where they left off. It is argued by me that the reason is not because a lack of knowledge or understanding of our actions; however, there seems to be a disconnect in the application process.
Moving On . . .
This one is personal to me.
I suppose they all are personal but this one has an exception, which I hope the reason becomes clear to you.
The truth is no one ever wants to “Feel” or “Be” alone.
Nobody does.
Depression and fear are very real things to me. I had to learn from them. I had to learn how to interact and live instead of struggle or suffer. Above all, I had to learn how to move on.
From In The Classroom: How We Limit The Mind
There is an entire world out there that exists far beyond our fear and feelings of any kind. There is a world out there that is beyond opinion and beyond personal theories. People live in this world. Life happens here, every day, all day long. This is a world beyond our assumptions or bias and persecutions.
Continue readingSaying S.T.O.P. to Anxiety
One of the biggest triggers of anxiety is the internal voice. This is the internal narrative that discusses the past and the expected futures. This is the internal criticism, which we all have, and let’s face it; everybody claims to be their own worst critic.
Perhaps this is true.
The Written Addiction 