Climbing out of the well of depression:
I was broken—
I was not broken in the sense that I was not whole. No, I was broken in the sense that I was not complete, which is worse. Something was missing. Something was wrong with me but I couldn’t say what.
I was lost in the absence of a certain presence. I was lost as if I were missing an ingredient th Continue reading
Does anybody remember good luck charms?
I do.
I remember rabbit’s foot key chains. I think the idea was to rub the foot to bring good luck. I remember dandelions too.
Remember them?
Remember being a kid and picking up one of the feathery ones. Then you were supposed to close your eyes, make a wish, then open your eyes and blow all the little feathery seeds into the sky so that your wish would come true. Continue reading
What people don’t seem to understand most is that compulsion defies logic. It defies sanity. Compulsion is what makes an otherwise unthinkable idea become thinkable. But there’s more to it than this.
It’s like this:
There is this little tiny voice, which speaks in the third person. It piques interest, like a diversion, and then exploits the ideas of a ongoing compulsion. Some have called this voice, “The monkey on my back,” and some have call compulsion “Diseased thinking,” and me, I say it’s the beast in me. And the beast in my knows me well. Continue reading
I was somewhere south of Houston and walking down by the shops and looking through the windows at clothes I could never afford. I was in my late 20’s at the time. The weather was closing in on the end of the warmer months. Autumn had just begin and the change in season was just underway.
It was me and the girl I dated at the time. There were two others with us and neither of them were people I liked. But yet, of course, there they were, with us, and walking along, talking loud about Continue reading
The world changes and as it does; suddenly the familiar things become strange like some small detail we’ve seen a million times before, but yet, we never seemed to take notice of until are eyes were able to see things from a different perspective.
I sat across from a detective once. Meanwhile, my life was about to alter and all I could notice was the loose Continue reading
Once the sun comes up, the world takes on a new appeal.
Everything is glistening now with a new sensation.
The sky is colorful and the beach at point Lookout takes on the orange haze that beams from the horizon.
I can feel myself Continue reading
One of the smartest women I have ever met once told me, “Everyone is recovering from something, Benny. And don’t you forget it”
“We all got something going on,” she said.
“And we all have something to work through.”
I say she is right about this. We all have demons and skeletons, bumps and bruises, and scars than run as deep as our Continue reading
As I see it, there are different kinds of friends. There are friends like say, the ones you grew up with. These are the neighborhood kids. These are the ones you go back with. You have history with them and you know the little secrets no one else will ever know because real friends like this keep tight lips—and when something good happens, you smile and you nod proudly because you know the whole story. Friends like this are rare and far and few in between. This is true. It is also true that there are no friends like old friends. I can say this wholeheartedly and with all the love in my heart, there are those who have stood by me throughout my life regardless to the upswings or downfalls and have treated me Continue reading
The feeling of freedom comes most at the dawn of our awareness when the sky is about to change. The sunlight sheds light upon our crazy little world. This moment above all is most important because that which was confused or left in the dark is now enlightened by the brightness of sunlight.
This is freedom, here and now, as the sun comes up over the town to convert our emotion into the language of a picturesque view and summarize this thing, which beats in our chest, or Continue reading
I was smaller than most. I was weak too, or at least weaker than most with a small boyish, baby-like face. I appeared much younger than the others my age. I was not athletic or spectacular in any way that would make me stand out in the crowd. I was uncomfortable at best and eager to be liked.
I wanted to fit and feel comfortable in my surroundings. I wanted to say the right things and be the right person but for some reason, everything about me seemed mismatched or unfitting. My words never came out right and instead, they repeated in my mind like a haunting and undying echo and I would try to say something to correct this but the words that would follow only came out worse than the original things I had already said.
I tried though. I did. But Continue reading
The Written Addiction 