Note to self:

There will be times when you want to quit
and the words you write
or the art you create
will feel like it fails you.

There will be days when everything seems worthless
and pouring your heart onto a page
feels like complete a waste of time

I admit there are days when I want to pack it in . . .
But I can’t

There were times I think about going through my files
and deleting them all . . .
But I don’t
Continue reading →

“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will completely give themselves to this simple program.”

This is from the beginning of chapter 5, known as “How it works,” in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. . .
My ability to advance or improve depends upon my willingness to listen and follow direction. But without the desire to change or surrender my lifestyle to a new order of living, then my ability to advance or improve falls to the whisper of lost opportunity.

I used to try and, “Set up shop.”
What I mean by this is Continue reading →

I often do the math, which consists of how many hours I work, commute, and sleep . . .
At minimum, I work an eight hour day. I work Monday through Friday, 10:30AM—6:30PM. Adding an extra hour, or an hour and one half for commuting time, plus the half-hour for early arrival; my day begins with a 7:00AM departure and I return home somewhere around 7:30 PM.
After which, I clean my Continue reading →

There is not much time left to change us.
Who I am—is who I am
and the road I have traveled has led me up to here
(With you)

I don’t want to waste another minute with anticipation.
I don’t want today to pass like some curious whisper
and all I’ll have tomorrow
is the regret of what I never said yesterday. Continue reading →

Over the years, I have tried to replace the things I have stolen or broken. In an effort to change, I made direct amends to those I have harmed, “Except when to do so would injure them or others.”
A friend asked me, “Do you think there will ever be a time when you don’t feel you have to pay back?”
And my answer was, “No.”

Yesterday marked the close of Yom Kippur. And though my faith has branched in Continue reading →

Man on 44^th Street says he has seen God.
I have never seen God myself, but I have seen some of His angels on occasion.
I think the sun may have tricked my eyes when this happened and I might have mistaken their wings for something else.
But I know I’ve seen them.

I have this reoccurring dream, though it’s been Continue reading →

I like to look back and view my beginning to illustrate my growth.
I went from a full house to an empty two bedroom apartment in the upstairs of a private home. This was my square one.

I went from vacant walls and an empty fridge to a slow rebuild, which began with a small dining room table.
The round table was made of Continue reading →

A)

You asked me, “What happened?”

It would be dishonest to say there were no signs of my upcoming downfall. My relapse came in stages, and above all lessons; I know this one to be true.
Every step I take either puts me one step closer to becoming healthy—or it takes me one step further away.

I knew something was coming towards me. I knew because listening to my old thoughts was as comfortable as putting on an old familiar shirt. There was no surprise in my collapse and my Continue reading →