Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery is the ability to respond in spite of our fears. I know this now because even in my bravest moments, I was still petrified.
I see my faith in a similar way. My faith does not come without doubt.
I have doubt, but yet still believe.
And though sad times and bad news comes for us all; I still believe in the heart of man. I still believe there is good in the world. And though I have prayers, I understand the answers Continue reading
This Is The Battle
A long time ago . . .
I walked through the door at the front of a room and head straight to a yellow plastic chair on a steel frame, which as well, was at the front of the room with its back to the wall. I faced a U-shaped bench that was made of dark-stained wood and stationed against the other remaining three walls. The floor was tiled with tiles that were once white, but age and foot traffic left the floor to seem worn and scattered with black streaks and sneaker marks.
It had been a long Continue reading
Just For Fun: Another Bad Date
I never liked the dating scene, but after a failed marriage, I found myself back in the swing of it. I moved from a loveless home and sexless part of my life and settled into a small apartment with hopes for a potentially better future.
It was clear to me that a relationship was not an option. I was at the starting line of divorce; my papers of legal separation were freshly signed, my head was filled with too many concerns about finances and I questioned my faults as a man as well a father.
Aside from Continue reading
The First Sunday in August
We started our trip early yesterday morning. I pulled up to Vinny’s house at exactly 8:00, which is what we agreed upon. Chad came down from his upstairs apartment in the home across the street. His eyes slightly squinted from the brightness of an already hot sun. Angelo and Carmine were ready and both excited for the day we had planned. Angelo and Carmine are good boys.
With Angelo being the oldest at the age of nine, there is Continue reading
Surviving the Game
There are two reasons why I write about my past and my addiction. The first reason is to raise awareness and bring an understanding to a misunderstood sickness. I write for those who feel they are alone and for those who cannot understand why someone would behave as an addict or alcoholic.
The second reason is so that I see exactly who I was. I write about who I was to detail where I came from. This is important to remember the facts of my story because they not only show the span of my growth; they also value Continue reading
Lessons From A Jigsaw Puzzles: A Metaphor
Back when I was a little kid, The Old Man told me,
“All that television you watch is gonna rot your brain.”
At the time he told me this, I was in the den watching cartoons.
He told me, “I never watched television when I was your age.”
And by mistake, my less than smart words left my mouth before I had time to think about them. “That’s because they didn’t have television back when you were my age, Pop.”
The Old Man’s eyebrows folded down with his left eyebrow raised slightly above his right. The crunched lines on his forehead expressed the anger which was about to become painfully obvious as he screamed the famous words that come from an angry parent.
He shouted, “GO TO YOUR ROOM!” and as ordered, I retreated to my bedroom with the door closed, and of course, the small, black and white television that sat near my bed was turned off.
And by black and white, I feel I should explain to some of my younger readers that the television set, itself, was not black and white. The television set was gray . . . it was the picture that was black and white.
(This is what we watched before they invented that thing we call color)
My Old Man was Continue reading
Written For Sessions In The Balcony: Just For Fun
“Don’t go,” she said.
“Stay,” she told him.
“What for,” he asked.
“There’s nothing left for us to talk about.”
Marie stood from the love seat in her small studio apartment. The lights were dim and she was dressed comfortably. The curtains were halfway opened at the only window in her apartment that hung above a small round table that sat against the wall at the edge of a little, eat-in kitchen.
There were four Continue reading
Lying Flat
I spent most of the day and all of my money on little plastic capsules that contained tiny white boulders and a terrible addiction. The sun had been gone for quite some time and the roads were wet from a cold winter’s rain.
The streetlamps and occasional headlights from passing cars glistened against the black pavement and across the yellow dividing lines on the street.
When the wind came, the traffic lights swayed with the colors of red, yellow, or green reflecting against the slick pavement near Green Avenue and Front Street.
Front Street is somewhat of a main road in my small Long Island town, but the traffic was few at that hour. The street is lined with modest, single family homes—most of them are one-story in height, and because of the late hour, all of the homes were mostly dark with the exception of a few scattered Continue reading
Be Advised
Be advised:
The image you see in the mirror may not seem exactly as you appear.
Know what that’s called?
That’s called insecurity . . .
otherwise known as an inaccurate version of who we are.
What you look like, how you Continue reading
Father’s Day, June 21, 2015
There is a plain white t-shirt I keep in my t-shirt drawer with two, traced out hands that are drawn in two different colors, and above this are the words “Happy Father’s Day,” with each letter written in a different color.
I keep this shirt in my t-shirt drawer, not because I wear it, but because it is a nice surprise to accidentally pull out while trying to rush through the morning and find an undershirt.
This is one of the first father’s day gifts my daughter gave to me. There are more, which like this, are different artistic creations. Some are drawings with clumps of glue and sparkles on colored construction paper. And this too is something I can vaguely remember doing when I was a little boy in some art class somewhere. Probably my last creation like this would have been made in Mrs. Humley’s Continue reading
