The Girl of my Dreams

After all the turns and changes in my life; after all the pitfalls and poor choices,
I knew that somewhere in this world there was love for me.

I dreamt of you once, though I’m not sure if I ever told you about it.
You were sitting on the steps of a green wooden porch in front of a white shingled house.
There was a screen door behind you, which was white with black screens, and the inside door behind it was partially opened.
This was somewhere in an upstate cottage or bungalow and you were smiling.
I don’t remember anything else about the dream.
I only remember you sitting on the porch . . . and your smile.
It was perfect.

I was very young then. I didn’t know who you were or when I was going to meet you. I didn’t know if I saw your face in a photograph or somewhere in a random crowd. But the truth is I knew you.
Somehow, I knew exactly who you were and I knew that somewhere in the world there was love for me.

I know the idea of “love” sounds like something out of a story book.
It’s like a fairytale.
And I tried to find you. I really did.
Each time I thought I saw you; it turned out to be someone else.

I thought to myself, “Maybe this is it?” but she wasn’t you.
She wasn’t the girl in my dream and when the end came, I felt broken.
But deep down, and amongst the moments of my loneliness,
I knew that somewhere there was love for me.

I had another dream when I was older.
It was you again . . .
Maybe this dream came to remind me you were real.
Maybe this was so I wouldn’t give up.

I dreamt I was walking through a park and autumn’s yellow-orange leaves were scattered across the ground. I was following you along the black cement path that split between the green grass and I was trying to catch up.
I remember passing the empty park benches and you were too far ahead of me to reach. I wanted to speak out, but I couldn’t. All I could do was follow.
So I did.
I remember you were wearing a white turtleneck sweater.
Suddenly, the breeze picked up and flowed through your hair.
Then you turned to see me, you smiled, and I knew all over again that somewhere in this world there was love for me.

I wrote a poem about you.
I know I’ve told you about this before.
But the poem still belongs to you.
I called it: For the Girl I Never Met

If I listen, I can hear you in my thoughts.
If I look, I can see you in my dreams
and on the movie screens
behind the walls of my eyelids.

But I only hope that someday,
I will meet you soon
and I can hold you in my arms

Forever . . .

I admit I almost gave up. I almost stopped believing in my dreams.
But in the scattered pieces of heartbreak; I still had hope, and deep down, I knew there was love for me.

I remember when I first saw your picture
I remember when I first heard your voice
I remember when I walked up the steps and you opened your door
We kissed

It was you

You smiled at me, and at last . . .
I knew I found love for me.

I wouldn’t change what I went through because it has led me to you.

The girl of my dreams

Happy Anniversary
Clairemarie Kimmel


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