Somewhere in there is the dream machine. Somewhere in there is the child within. Deep within us all is a drive to be, think, feel, taste, touch and smell. There is a need to cross the finish line. There is the hunger to be the one lifted on the shoulders of our teammates and carried off the field in the thrill of victory.

Perhaps this vision might look differently to you or someone else. Yet still, there is this dream to reach a level of greatness; to not only be valid or validated but to be honored and wanted. There is a need for the sense of connectedness that goes beyond just being included. And yet, adversely, there is often a worry that none of this will ever come true. There is often the inaccurate anticipation that somehow or in some way, as hard as we try, we just can’t reach the mark. 

It would be dishonest of me to say that there wasn’t the idea of us against them. It would be dishonest to say that some of this wasn’t fun. The rebellion I mean. This is one of the reasons why it was us against them. I wanted to rebel. I wanted to fight back. More than anything I wanted to be heard but I never had the voice to properly speak my thoughts. I never had the words or the language to explain what I was thinking or feeling. Instead, I acted.

This is why it was us against the world. It was us against the authorities and the people in the town. It was us against our parents, the teachers, the principals, the guidance counselors, the cops, the local government and anyone else in the world that did not see things the way we did. I pluralize this because there was more than just me.

And suddenly, there is the idea of jumping to just get away. There is the idea that everything around us has become unbearably heavy. Too heavy in fact, and there is no end in sight, no relief ahead and nothing promising in the horizon. There is the heavy weight of nothingness, which no one else can see but yet, only you and I can feel it.