When I was young, I swore I would never grow old.
I made a promise to myself that I would never be like them.
I said this with an emphasis on the word, “Them:” to define my contempt.
I never wanted to grow old or forget myself.
I never wanted to be lost in the land of status whores
Or lost to my own contempt or lost to my resentment as a result of my insecurity. I swore, I wanted to be strong, if not stronger.
A note for the kid:
I wrote this a while ago. But the shoe still fits, so . . .
I was around 14 or 15 years-old when a tall, heavy-set teacher, shoved me into the back corner of an empty classroom.
He was out of line but then again, so was I.
Grinding his teeth he said, “Do you wanna know what I’d like to do to you?”
Then he leaned even closer. “I’d kick the living shit out of you right now if I could.”
There is something I know, which we all know, which is unfortunate at times but even still, the truth is no matter how much we love or care, no matter how we have the best interests at heart, and no matter how hard we try to help or “Fix” the problem, whether we like it or not, not everyone wants help. Not everyone accepts it. Not everyone agrees. Not everyone wants to stop what they’re doing and not everyone wants to change their life.
Continue readingIt is true. So many of us fall short of our dreams and live secretly or privately unsatisfied. It is also true that many of us fail to step forward. We fail to try or dare to risk the odds of disappointment.
I came across a quote this morning. I was listening to random motivational speakers so that I could A, improve my own life and B, learn more and improve my own motivational abilities.
And now it’s here, summer, and I am thinking of how it was when the days were long and the nights were hot. The lights were bright and the music was good. I remember.
In fact, I remember it all. I remember the bars on the waterfront and the friends I thought I’d know forever.
I remember the songs that played throughout different periods of the night and towards the later hours; they’d always play the song Sweet Caroline at a place called Paddy McGee’s.
Everyone sang along too.
At this point, the crowd was thick and the liquor had flowed enough to fuel the patrons that stood and danced around at the outside bar, which was on the canal, and tucked away in a town called Island Park
I believe in the ultimate connection.
I believe in beauty
and that true beauty never fades
nor should it
or could it.
So now the fad has changed. Now it’s vaping. It used to be smoking. And now it’s the products because let’s face it, everything is based on style and the different variations of what’s cool.
I sat with a small group of people and someone asked, “How old were you when you smoked a cigarette for the first time?”
And me, I was in grade school at the time. I was this little prepubescent kid, smaller than everyone else my age, and I appeared to look much younger than the rest of my class.
I spent a great deal of time worrying. I was either hinged upon emotion or dependent upon people, places, and things, which I believed were parts of my identity. I was so afraid to be alone. I was afraid that my fears may be true; that I was nothing more than the sum of my concerns and that I was truly incapable.
Continue readingA lot has changed in my life. Then again, a lot changes in all lives. This is us and how we live. We go through changes, like it or not, and we evolve and we grow.
We move through different phases of life, which may or may not overlap. However, one thing I have learned with all certainty is that awareness and personal realization happens on an individual and timely basis. Maturity takes time. Growth takes time. And awareness also takes time. This is fact and as fact, this is non-negotiable.
I have seen some pretty incredible things over the last few years. More specifically, a lot has changed in the last year and a half, and more so, a lot has changed over the last several months.
I have grown and come into my own sense of self-awareness, which is important in order for me to grow
Dear America,
I have not forgotten you or what you mean to me. Along with millions, I celebrate you today. I think of the ways we honor you. I think of the barbecues and the cookouts. I think of the parks and recreational places where people gather on days like this. I also think about this day and the way we were when we were younger and a much younger country. I think about our purity and how our youthfulness was everything to us at one point.
The Written Addiction 