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just prose: four things I know

There are certain things I know as fact. And I guess I’ve always known them, but sometimes emotions get in the way and I lose my focus.
In order to keep my sanity, I needed to learn not to give it away —
I need to remember the obvious, which in some cases, is not always so obvious.
That’s why I write things down…

First:
My redemption has nothing to do with your response.
The fact that I rebuild may be the result of someone, or something else, but in the end…
It is on me.
The way I eat, think, and breathe is not and should not be hinged upon anyone else
…and neither should my redemption.

I am my own separate entity in this world, and while I connect with other people, I will remain disconnected if I forget that I am the square root to my own equation.

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chapter: just to write

At 20 years-old and one year after my re-entry into the world, I was told to, “Straighten up and fly right.”
I was told, “You have to get honest, kid. You have to prepare yourself for the working world and corporate America.”

My first few jobs were plain and unremarkable. I held two sales positions in Continue reading →

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what real men do

The other day an old man told me, “Kid, I never give in to the rah-rah of St. Patrick’s day.”
Said, “It’s amateur night,” and then he went on to explain, “Real drunks don’t need a holiday to drink, fight, and destroy their lives.”
Said, “We do that on a daily basis.”
Said, “March 17th doesn’t mean anything to me.”

When I mentioned about him being Irish, he laughed.
Told me, “I’m Irish everyday….I don’t need to put on a green shirt to remind me of that!”
He said, Continue reading →

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about the lost kids…

They were young, rebellious, and eager to taste the electric side of life. They were anxious to dive into the colorful, ultra-violet lights, and laugh their way into the psychedelic hours of an early following morning. It was just before evening and the sunset changed the summer sky into different shades of orange and purple.
The green grass behind the playground of the elementary school was Continue reading →

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when you get older

It was not by choice, but I went to Hebrew School when I was a kid. I went to Saturday school too, but most of my friends went to Sunday school and Communion classes. I don’t remember much—other than I never did well, and I never did any of the homework assignments—I just remember not wanting to be there and thinking about my friends that were somewhere else, doing something different, and probably having a better time than me.

As it was, I had to sit through regular Continue reading →

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about a key

There is a key on one of the active key rings to my household and the door it opens is no longer there.
But once, it opened the door to a small house in the middle of a quiet street on a wide block. On early summer mornings, the sprinklers in the neighboring lawns would awaken and chatter across the green grass.
The suburban streets were lined with trees and the all of the homes were neatly kept with unique landscaping.
This is where I lived for several years.
I learned there. I grew and I evolved.

I landed my first real job while living in that house. I bought my first Continue reading →

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surrender

I see you like a leaf in autumn. You are beautiful; however, you are reluctant to change color and give in to the wind.
You hold on tight, gripping to the same branches you’ve clung to for so long. You believe this is the only place you can exist, so you refuse let yourself spin into the morning air.

You refuse to let go; you refuse to Continue reading →

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never quit

There is always someone anxious to say, “You can’t do it.”
There will always be someone to say, “Don’t bother. It will never work,”
or they’ll tell you, “There are a million people out there doing the same thing as you.”

They’ll say, “There’s someone out there doing it longer and better.”
And then they’ll say, “I just don’t want to see you get your hopes up.”
They’ll explain, “I don’t want to see you fail.”
But that’s bullshit….

Sifting through divorce, I went to a weekly therapy session and opened myself up to the idea of change and improvement. I followed suggestions, and along the way Continue reading →