More than one year has passed and it seems the government in my fish tank is about to change again. The smaller fish that hid and swam in the yellow and white stoned bottom have outgrown the threats of bigger, more aggressive fish in the different levels of their 46 gallon world.
One fish, however, did not grow as well as the other classmates in his school …..I can relate to that.

This tank of mine is kept in a Continue reading →

After the summer closed in 1991, my brother turned the page into the next chapter of his life. I was 19 years-old, and at that age, I faced a new chapter of my own.
Having lost the love of her life and the only reason to stay in the place where I grew, my mother sold our family home and moved down to the state of Florida. She had enough and needed to move away from the memories of her longtime husband. And like it is said as a glass is filled before overflowing; my mother said, “When,” and followed the plan she and The Old Man were supposed to retire with.
Only now, she was alone and unsure of her unwritten future.

Similar to my mother, I was Continue reading →

So reluctantly, I find myself moving towards technology…….

After a long day of running from 45^th Street to Downtown Brooklyn, waiting in lines at an almost Department of Motor Vehicles like place in the New York City Fire Department Headquarters, and after trying to explain my situation to an impatient women behind a section of bulletproof glass to square away the necessary permits I need to make a living, I walked through the storefront doors of my cellular provider on 34^th street.
I was immediately greeted by a tall, slim, and much young than myself, sales associate. His brown-skinned face was mostly clear of any acne; his collared buttoned down shirt was buttoned up to the top of his neck, and his sweater vest wore neatly over his shirt.
He smiled his white smile and greeted me with his best, “May I help you, sir,” approach.
I hate these places. I hate feeling stupid while talking to these know-it-all kids with their new technology and their wristwatch cellphones. I hate the touchscreen generation, but nevertheless, the times have changed so I reluctantly decided to change with them. Continue reading →

One of the more interesting parts of my story is that I returned to the neighborhood I grew up in. And while much of the place has changed, most of the important landmarks have remained as they were.
The East Meadow water tower still pokes into the underbelly of the sky and so do the glass buildings and the hospital on Hempstead turnpike.
The schools look as they did when I was young, at least the outside does, and the bowling alley is still there. Prospect Pool remains unchanged, but the Meadow Dairy across the street has seen its share of different owners.
As far as I am concerned, it is fair to say that my life has moved in a complete circle.

Upon the early years of my return, I thought it would be interesting to Continue reading →

I like to stand on the shoreline and cast my worries
into the sea of anonymous waves.
I feel as if the oncoming tides and the outgoing current
are the perfect gesture,
as if there is no better place to wash away my sins.

I come to this place to breathe; I come here to feel the breath of God
and in a sense, I come here to bleed my thoughts,
and feel the wind upon my face.
I come here to get away from my yesterdays
and to ask for a better tomorrow.
In fact, I come here to dream.

I consider this place to be my sanctuary….

I see the ocean as a source of energy:
It constantly moves, and swells.
Sometimes it moves too fast, and other times,
the ocean can be beautifully still.

We once talked about needing a place to escape. 
You have your place
….and I have mine

I have places like this:
I have a spot where I stand on the roof of Manhattan
I have a place beside Jones Inlet to watch the boats move in and out
I have keyboard to type my thoughts on
a machine to print them …..and I have you

I don’t think I need much else.

Do you?

I am writing this specifically to you…..

During the last angry lecture from The Old Man, he told me, “Sometimes I think it would be easier if you just committed suicide. It sure as hell would be easier than watching you kill yourself like this.”
According to The Old Man’s account, I dragged my feet when I walked. I barely opened my mouth when I spoke, and as I spoke, my words dragged slowly as if my brain were permanently relaxed from my drug use.

“I swear it would be easier if you killed yourself. At least this way your mother and I could hurt and then we could heal….but watching you do this to yourself is worse than watching you die.”

I was no longer their innocent little boy. My skin color was Continue reading →

The worst place for me is inside my own head. This is where battles begin.
This is where wars are fought and conversations are planned.
This is where I can choreograph an entire argument before it ever happens.

This is where I create the outcomes of problems that never exist; this is where Continue reading →

After a long weekend shift, I washed my hands from the dust and dirt. I splashed water across my face, and after losing the best hours of sunlight, I changed from my work clothes and locked the shop’s door behind me. At least for that moment, I was happily uninvolved with my job. For that moment, I turned the key to lock the top lock of the engineer’s locker-room, and after I placed my hand beneath the scanner to prove my work hours, I left the day behind and drove home.
I drove through the city streets, waiting on pedestrians that cross the street regardless to oncoming traffic. Then I ducked beneath the Midtown Tunnel and came out on the other side.
The day was beautiful—however, I spent most of it with various contractors, running from one part of an office building to another.
But finally…springtime arrived.
The warm winds allowed us a glimpse of what to expect. In no time at all, the summer will be here and our side of the hemisphere will enjoy the chance to dress less and show more skin.
I like that Continue reading →

Essentially, I am only eight years-old. I say this because of a decision I made eight years ago. And the decision was simple.
It was to say the words, “Never again.”

At the age of 33, I came to a crossroads. I came to a place where I had nothing left behind me. There was nothing in front of me and there was no one to my left or to my right. I had very little as far as clothing or possessions and my bank account was mostly empty. Aside from financially, I found myself Continue reading →

I suppose we had our moment in the sun. I suppose in our youth, we had our chance to dress like kings when we stepped from the doors of our learning institutions and into the world, which we thought would be easy.
We howled and we laughed. We lived as hard and as loud as we could, and from there, we slowly trickled into our places in society.
We found our new directions and said we would always keep in touch. Then we dressed Continue reading →