I have news for you. Friends are often fair weathered and half the people who swear and promise to be there if you need them are either far away or far too busy when you need them the most.
So, in all fairness to you, me or us and myself, I have to suggest this.
Get used to saving your own life kid, which is not a bad thing to say.

I know.
. . . I know

I know how they say “after the rain comes the rainbow” and after the ah, comes relief.
I get it.
I do.

And I go back to this idea because in all fairness, where else can I go?
Where else can I go if I have no better place than this?
Who else can I turn to if I have no one else?
And if I have no one else, then let me turn to you here.
Or, at least let me try.

I go back to the idea that you can’t care. You just can’t.
You can’t care about the psychopaths or the angry ones or the enemies at the gates.
You have to ignore them.
Ignore them and the hypocrites and their lies and their accusations and the rumors they spread.
Ignore the banter because this only draws you in, which is all they want anyway.
Right?
Stalkers want attention.
So do enemies.
This is their life.
How amazing this is for them . . .
right?

You know what??
I don’t care.
Not anymore
So . . .
I think I will say what I have to say and to be honest,
I do not care whether you listen or if anyone else
is on board with me
or for the moment, I refuse to let the outside influences
do anything to me that makes me
deny my truth
that is –
even if my truths are hard to face
or
unfortunate

So,
here I go.

If you want it then you have to want it.
Nothing can stop this.
Nothing is allowed to get in your way and nothing, no matter what it is, no matter how big the obstacle is and no matter how thick the walls might be and no matter how high you have to climb and how hard you have to work, nothing is allowed to get between you and “it”

I slide into reality like one of those old great ball players who slide into third base with hopes to lead his team to a run that wins the game.
Jim Carroll said, “I just want to be pure.”
I don’t know how possible this is for me. Then again, there are those who live with their impurities and still manage to come out on top or they figure out how to get ahead without chopping off the heads of the people in front of them

I know I was told the last shall be first and the first shall be last.
And in all fairness and kindness to myself, I do not know where I fit in this race. I am not first or last but somewhere in-between.

As grown as I am
I am equally childlike
and immature at times,
and hence, I can see this clearly now
and more clearly than before
because, of course;
due to the benefits of hindsight,
my hindsight shows me how my flaws
can degrade me
and worse
my actions can be humiliating
if I am being honest. . .

Why?
Why do we fight?
Why argue?

Why do we fight so hard and lead with our strong hand
instead of showing patience
and why can’t we choose to be happy
instead of fighting harder to be right?

I am amazed . . .
And more, it amazes me to see how everything changes|
despite how everything is still the same..

I drove by the old house this morning.
Nothing is the same and yet,
not much had changed, except for me
and except for the landscapes.

The old bar is a deli now.
I used to hide in the back of that place
and sneak into the cellar.
Sometimes I slept there.
Mostly, I nearly died there
but somehow, here I am,
alive and well and able to tell you about this.

You think you have a choice, but no.
You don’t.
Who you are is who you are and of course,
there are reasons behind this
same as there is a reason behind “us.”

And so,
such is the way you are, such is the way you were born
and more, such are the reasons you exist in this world.
There is a reason for everything
I know –

I do not say change is unavoidable
and nor is change avoidable
but man can only hit his head
so many times
until he learns his lesson.
Late or not.
Lessons come with a price
and prices often come as consequences