So there is an ever popular question, which people ask all the time. And the question is “Why?” 
As in, if you got out and got away from the bad life, why would you ever go back to the poison that almost killed you?

I’ve heard people say, “You were doing so well,” or they’ll say “But you had so much potential,” and they say this with a sad, tragic expression on their face as if to express pity or as if I or you or we the diseased minded, sickly and weak have somehow fulfilled the supposed label of being a letdown and mentally ill.

There are times of year which people favor more than others. There are times when the autumn winds begin to change from warm to cool. The leaves change color and then fall to the ground to leave the branches empty. There are times when seasons affect us in different ways. Some have a hard time when the seasons move towards the holiday time and some people find this triggers a sad way of thinking. There is a term for this. Then again, there is a term for everything nowadays. And I’m not much for labels however, the one thing this can affirm is we are not as lonely as our thoughts may imply.

It’s not only what people say. It’s the way these things linger in the mind. It’s not the instance of bullying, it’s the aftermath. It’s the buildup of insult after insult and injury after injury. To believe this has no long-term effects is simply inaccurate. To believe that any trauma has no long lasting reactions is equally inaccurate.

Sometimes the lines we cross can never be uncrossed. Keep in mind, words cannot be unsaid and oftentimes, words hurt. They can scar. Words can destroy to a level that no apology can ever repair. Yet, in the fit of anger or in the heat of the moment, we can say things that we wish we never said.

There is a reason why finding our match is difficult. Synergy and cohesion between people is not a simple occurrence. There is a reason for this. There are people and personalities which we find magnetic and others that seem to repel or push us away. There is chemistry to us all and details which are up front in some cases and less obvious in others.
Situations can seem too good to be true. This happens. There are people we fit in with effortlessly. Meanwhile, there are others that lack the connection. Instead of finding a cohesive bond; never the twain shall meet. And this is really just a fancy way of saying neither of the two people will ever see eye-to-eye. And that’s fine. No, really it is.

You want to know where it comes from. You want to know why. You want to calm down. You want to feel fine. More than anything, the last thing you want to feel is trapped in your skin. And that’s what happens when the thought machine trips. But how does this start?
The mind has a way of creating the stir. It comes on like a trickle, like one drop of rain falling from the sky to warn of an upcoming storm and all you want to do is run for cover. You try to find yourself someplace safe but the roof leaks and the storm hits. The downpour is ugly and the panic you feel is like trying to plug a leak that keeps coming up someplace else.
No one ever welcomes these bouts of anxiety yet, ready or not, here it comes.